Pictures Of Us and Tattoo's In My Heart
by bitten-by-luv
Summary: now a 2shot. Jake's depression, angst on Bella leaving.only my second twilight fic, please review?have a box of tissues prepared! 2nd Chapt. is in Bella's POV.her sadness,getting over it.songs are The Last Goodnight's Jordan Spark. onesided BxJ
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. The book is Steph's, and the song is called Pictures of You, made and owned by The Last Goodnight.**

**THIS IS ONLY MY 2****ND**** TWILIGHT FIC!!! Some slack, please.**

**Jake's POV**

_This is the clock upon the wall  
This is the story of us all  
This is the first sound of a newborn child  
Before he starts to crawl_

I laid still on my bed, listening to the aggravating tick of the clock on my side table. I could hear Emily in the kitchen, cooking something for the pack. Whatever it was, it smelled absolutely edible—but that wasn't exactly where my mind was at the moment.

How could Bella love him? How could she _need_ him like that? He was like her oxygen or something.

And he _smelled_.

I thought back. Before I became… what I was—I never had an issue with Edward. He was just like any other person… or so I thought.

_This is the war that's never won  
This is a soldier and his gun  
This is the mother waiting by the phone  
Praying for her son_

I sighed, rolling over onto my stomach. It was stupid. I was _in_ love with Bella, as was _he_. Yet, I knew that I didn't imprint on her. As much as my dreams prolonged that wish, and my heart beat for it; it wasn't true. I wouldn't have—couldn't have treated her like that, if I had imprinted.

This was ridiculous. Though I would never admit it, this war between werewolves and vampires was _dumb_. We were never going to go anywhere, us, nor them. The prejudice was too much though. Okay, yeah, they fed on animals—I shuddered—but had they ever harmed a human in all the years that they were here?

Now I knew what Bella felt like. This was a never ending war that nobody was going to win. It was just _there_, leaving our family and loved ones soaked with worry and fear, praying that we'd be okay.

_Pictures of you  
Pictures of me  
Hung upon your wall for the world to see_

I turned over on my side, facing my table. In a small photo frame, was a picture of Bella and I that Emily had taken of us on one of the few sunny days in Forks. I had my arms wrapped around her little waist, holding her too me. She had her arms wrapped around my waist, holding me just as tightly.

I remembered that day.

After the picture had been taken, Bella and I were laughing too hard, because she couldn't get her arms around my shoulders. Silly Bella… Her eyes, were brighter, I noticed. Her smile was so wide that it could probably light up a football stadium, if needed.

_Pictures of you  
Pictures of me  
Remind us all of what we used to be_

I will admit, I tried. I tried to get Bella to realize that we would be so much better than her and that… that _bloodsucker_.

I was able to get Bella to breathe without him. She was able to be _human_ without him.

But that was what we _used_ to be.

_There is a drug that cures it all  
Blocked by the governmental wall  
We are the scientists inside the lab  
Just waiting for the call_

Maybe, just maybe, if I asked Billy, we could find a way to _reverse_ being a werewolf. Then, maybe that vamp would let me _near_ Bella, and I could hang out with them, as I had when I was human. He wouldn't be bothered by my smell, and me, his. Then this stupid war can _end!_

No… that would be impossible.

And the bloodsucker probably wouldn't let me near Bella anyway, after what I did to her.

What _did_ I do to her?! Was I kidding myself?! As I thought now… I'd been so horrible to her. As much as I cared about her, and loved her, I still treated her like that. I wasn't a friend. I was so _bad_.

But then again—look at what Edward did to her! Who patched her up? I did. Who made her feel human, better? _Me._

_This earthquake weather has got me shaking inside  
I'm high up and dry_

In my fantasies, I had Bella. I had her everyday. I had her coming to visit me in La Push, I had her hugging me, kissing me, holding me… but these were just my dreams, chasing after fantasy Bella. Forever… chasing after her.

Outside, I'm scared shitless. I didn't want to know when she would become one of _them_. I didn't want to know when they got married. It felt like I didn't even want to know her _at all_.

But I did.

On the inside, Bella was mine, and I was hers.

But that was just the inside.

_Pictures of you  
Pictures of me  
Hung upon your wall for the world to see_

I really did go through days that I wished hadn't known her. Then everyone wouldn't have to deal with the aftermath of her. They wouldn't have to hear my lustful thoughts, my depressing dreams… I would still be me. We wouldn't be having this war at all.

But then again, after all that happened with the newborns, would Bella have survived? Would Victoria really have died?

_Pictures of you  
[Pictures of you  
Pictures of me  
Remind us all of what we used to be_

Or maybe, I really wished that Bella hadn't met _Edward_. What would we have been then? Would Bella and I have a chance? I could envision us ten years from now, with two kids playing, us happily married and…

Fairy Tales don't come true. In fact, fairy tales don't even exist.

But maybe, just maybe, If Edward didn't exist, Bella and I would.

_Confess to me  
Every secret moment  
Every stolen promise you believed_

But Bella _had_ to go and try cliff-diving without me. I was just beginning to get her to open up more when _he_ came along and ruined it all. I was beginning to find her human side. It was just beginning.

And just the end.

Of course, I didn't help any when I kept my secret from her, betrayed her, got made with her, so on and so forth. Sadly, the list goes on. I'm surprised she can even love. Yet again, she can love _him_, so why not me? But—I never _left_ her, in the middle of a forest, for the dead. I _did_, though, tell her I'd rather see her dead than a vampire, married with him. So maybe that was just _half_ as bad as what he did to her.

_Confess to me  
All that lies between us  
All that lies between you and me_

Maybe, if I'd just treated her better, with more car and love, would she be with me. Maybe if I had told her sooner that Edward was hiding the fact that they crossed the line, that Victoria was closer than it seemed, would she realize that I was the better choice, that I was _hers_.

But it's too late. Way too late for that. I found a puddle to jump in and jumped too late. It's gone. She's gone. From me, my life… my everything.

_We are the boxers in the ring  
We are the bells that never sing  
There is a title we can't win no matter  
How hard we might swing_

I wish I was hers. It was in every ounce of my being. Even the pack knew. But thyey didn't fully feel what I was going through. It felt like Bella had chopped off my right arm and walked away with it.

Damn him! I threw my fist into my pillow, going through it. Shit! Emily would probably have to stitch that up. I'd have to ask her before Billy found it. I've destroyed enough, moping about Bella.

But she's destroyed my life.

_Pictures of you  
[Pictures of you  
Pictures of me  
Hung upon your wall for the world to see  
Pictures of you  
Pictures of you  
Pictures of me  
[Of me  
Remind us all of what we could have been  
[Could have been_

I felt a strange sensation go through my middle. It wasn't the feeling of phasing, it was… tears??

They rolled down my cheeks silently; I couldn't will myself to get _too_ upset. I was upset enough as it was.

_Pictures of you  
[Pictures of you  
Pictures of me  
[Of me_

I glared angrily at the picture of Bella and I. My fist whipped out and before I knew it, the frame was lying on the round, shattered, surrounded by bits and pieces of glass. The picture of Bella and I was laying face up, a scratch along the photo, right in between us. The glass that scratched it, lay at the bottom of the photo, sharp and cool, probably nearly cutting through the paper.

Cutting us apart, cutting our relationship in half.

_Remind us all of what we could have been  
[Could have been  
Could have been_

I gulped back my tears, gulped back my sadness. I pulled back from Bella. She wasn't here anymore. She wasn't mine, she never was mine. No matter what I could we could have been. Deep down, she was his all along, I just never realized it.

I sighed, swinging my feet over the ledge of my bed. I could live without Bella. I could live without sunshine, happiness, laughter, love. I could live without it all. So may others did, so why couldn't I.

Well… sure, that pack would be a bit confused, but they learn fast, they'll realize.

I could live without Bella…

Even if it meant feeling like I was living without my other arm.

**Review…please?**


	2. Chapter 2

So I decided to do a sequel to Jake's POV, cept in Bella's

**So I decided to do a sequel to Jake's POV, cept in Bella's. The song to it is Tattoo, but Jordan Sparks. I own nothing. I swear it. You should listen to the song while you read. It helps. few spoilers for the first chapt. Of Breaking Dawn. **

_No matter what you say about love  
I keep coming back for more  
Keep my hand in the fire  
Sooner or later I get what I'm asking for_

I stared out my window, the rain hitting it in an almost violent way. Did the plants here _ever_ get waterlogged?! It'd been raining for three days now, and with each day my mood deteriorated. Where was the sun? The _warm_?

I missed Jacob.

It just….it hurt, knowing that I was in love with two different people, and even if I wasn't they would still hate each other. Must come with the whole 'mortal enemies' package. I could only _imagine_ how Edward felt through the whole ordeal.

But….I _needed_ Jacob! And when I did get to see him, he got all cocky and weird. But I got to see him.

_No matter what you say about life  
I learn every time I bleed  
The truth is a stranger  
Soul is in danger I gotta let my spirit be free_

It was weird. With every single mistake that was made, every single insult that was thrown—I got stronger. I smiled to myself. I had to get Edward to realize that.

I pulled my face away from the window pain, blinking, adjusting my eyes. Edward was out hunting. I promised him I'd be fine (though I had no idea how true or not the statement was at the time). I had _Wuthering Heights, Romeo and Juliet_, and hot chocolate.

But no Jacob.

At this point, I was even sure what I wanted. I wanted to _see_ him, see his smile, feel his warmth, but at the same time….I didn't. I didn't want him to get all weird about Edward, or try kissing me again. I wanted my best friend.

But from what Seth had told me, he wasn't even _back_.

_To admit that I'm wrong _

_and then change my mind  
Sorry but I have to move on_

_and leave you behind_

A wet tear trailed down my freezing skin as I pulled away from the window. Charlie had turned the heat up, but the cool glass and my thoughts were doing everything _but_ warming me.

I sighed, sitting down on my bed.

I _did_ love Jacob….but was I _in_ love with him? I knew one thing: I needed him. It wasn't like I liked his for his _body_—of course, I liked Edward's body too….but he was so kind, and caring, and nice. It balanced out. I focused on emotions.

Jacob was a jerk until I gave him a look or spoke up.

But did I really _need_ him?

_I can't waste time so give it a moment  
I realized nothings broken  
No need to worry about everything I've done_

As I made myself another mug-full of hot chocolate, my mind drifted. I didn't have time to worry about Jacob. The thought stung, but it was true. We were soon to be mortal enemies. I had to focus on saying goodbye to everyone else.

By now the prospect of it didn't seem so tantalizing. At this moment in time, I had my one true love, _a_ best friend, both parents, and a wonderful 'life' ahead of me. Sooner or later this whole mess would be behind me.

I was going to be fine.

_Live every second like it was my last one  
Don't look back got a new direction  
I loved you once needed protection_

Even thought Edward had to practically drag me to do 'fun' stuff, and I always did complain when Alice wanted to "Barbie" me—I enjoyed it. One of the few things I took comfort in was the fact that I was living a life that no one else ever would.

Everyday I thought about Jake.

Just not in the same way I thought about Edward.

_You're still a part of everything I do  
You're on my heart just like a tattoo  
Just like a tattoo  
I'll always have you (I'll always have you)_

Part of my was actually really glad that I didn't have to see Jacob.

At the exact moment that I thought that, the hot chocolate scalded my tongue. "Ouch!" I muttered. And I thought Karma didn't exist….

But it was true. Without Jacob here I could actually _think_. And…well…it didn't bother Edward either—of course not. It _killed_ me when I hurt him because of Jacob. I felt like such a horrible person.

When I went to the bathroom to make sure I didn't have any burn marks on my face or mouth—I stared. It wasn't Rosalie's "I'm-so-obsessed-with-myself" stare. I _studied_ myself.

I didn't know who I was these days. I didn't know who to call myself. Isabella, Bella, Edward's Bella….?

The thought turned my insides. If I couldn't figure myself out now, how was I going to when I was a vampire?

_Sick of playing all of these games  
It's not about taking sides  
When I looked in the mirror didn't deliver  
It hurt enough to think that I could_

I was wrong. Of _course_ I was wrong. I only _thought_ that I needed Jacob!

How had I deluded myself?

As I walked back to my room, I paced my steps to the patter of the rain hitting the roof. I didn't trip.

Had Jake made me _think_ that I needed him? Was Edward really not exaggerating when he'd told me I'd fallen for everything?

I frowned; I did want him around. Because he was fun, carefree, and…a jerk?

_Stop admit that I'm wrong  
and then change my mind  
Sorry but I've gotta be strong_

_and leave you behind_

I laid across my bed, matching my breathing to the underlying pace of thee rain hitting the roof. Sometimes, on these days, when Edward wasn't hunting, and it was so dreary out, we'd play our own version of twenty questions. On day he'd asked me, if I could change any of my experiences in Forks, would I?

And I answered honestly, that was the point of the game. (It really wouldn't have mattered, seeing as I couldn't lie until my life depended on it).

No, I wouldn't.

Everything that had happened here had shaped who I was as a person. I saw things different from everyone else; I reveled in that fact and I certainly didn't want to change that.

And….weird as it was, everything that had happened had also shaped my and Edward's relationship. It made us who were as a couple. Me, the not-thinking, always hoping one, and Edward, the over-thinker, over protector.

I sighed, closing my eyes and rolling over. I missed him. Couldn't he, like, not hunt? Drink blood from me, without the venom…?

I shuddered; the thought made fear crawl into my system. That was getting a little on the extremities.

_If I live every moment  
Won't change any moment  
Still a part of me in you  
I will never regret you  
Still the memory of you  
Marks everything I do, oh_

Within time though, the day slowly slid to a close, the excitement built up. Edward was going to be here soon!

Charlie had ordered pizza on his way home from work, telling me I did way too much for him. As I hung up the phone, I thought, _now where had I heard _that_ before?_ Duh.

As we ate, Charlie asked me about plans I had after college. I stopped chewing. "To be honest," I mused, after swallowing. "I hadn't quite thought that far. I've only gotten just as far the wedding and college," I looked at him out of the corner of my eyes, judging his reaction. He kept chewing, swallowing calmly. He looked at me.

"I'm proud of you Bells. Don't overload yourself though."

And that was that.

Charlie chuckled then and told me he'd take care of cleaning up. He had to get used to doing everything on his own again. "Oh, and Bella?" he called, just as I was about to go upstairs. "There's a letter for you from Jacob.

My eyes widened and I bolted to the counter. There it was, slightly dirty, rain-spattered, and messily scrawled. I bounded back up the stairs.

_Hey Bells,_

_I cant—well, I won't tell you where I am, seeing as I have not the slightest clue. I should probably figure that out soon, though. I figured I'd let you know that I still miss you. No matter where I am, I always miss you. It's strange—knowing that I won't have you anymore. But who knows? Maybe we'll be able to manage long distance._

_But I really do miss you. And I love you too._

_But not as much as the bloodsucker, I guess._

_I don't know when I'll see you again, but I _will_ see you again—that's a promise._

_Love, Jake_

Tears filled my eyes as I read and reread the letter. That didn't sound like the weird Jacob. That sounded like _my_ Jacob. And my Jacob was, once again, using a thin attempt at bravado. A tear trailed down my cheek and hit the page, smearing the crudely written pencil marks.

Why? Why did he have to go and do that? I was finally…. Finally getting better, over him—and then the letter goes and messes it all up!

_I can't waste time so give it a moment  
I realize nothings broken (yeah)  
No need to worry about everything I've done  
Live every second like it was my last one  
Don't look back got a new direction (don't look back)  
I loved you once needed protection (no, no)  
You're still a part of everything I do  
You're on my heart just like a tattoo_

I looked at the time. Charlie was just going to bed and I'd promised Edward that he'd never see me shed another tear for Jacob. I wasn't going to be known for breaking promises. I opened the drawer in my desk and buried the letter amongst college brochures and applications.

I changed into my pajamas and brushed my teeth. I curled up in my bed, trying not to think.

Within minutes, Edward's cold frame was pressed up against mine through the thin quilt.

Without saying a word, I rolled over, curling myself into his chest, inhaling his scent. He stroked my hair, doing the same. When he noticed that I hadn't said anything, like I usually did when he came back, the air charged with his worry.

"What's the matter, love," he murmured.

"Nothing!" Why did I sound so defensive? "I just missed you," I muttered into his chest.

"You have no idea," he replied quietly. He pulled my face up to kiss me. As his lips pressed against mine, he pulled back abruptly. "Really Bella." He spoke with worry. "What's the matter? Is something bothering you?"

I buried my face into his neck. "_Nothing_." I tried a giggle. Good. It didn't sound like a choke. Very good. "Just the fact that you worry _so_ much!"

He was silent for a few beats. "Bella, you know if something's wrong, you can always tell me. We can get through this together." _No, we can't_. I wanted to say. _I can't hurt you again!_

"I know," I went for casual. "Except for the fact that there's _nothing_ _wrong_. I just missed you. The rain made it all the worse." True. I wasn't lying…about the last part.

He pulled my face back up. "You're lying," he accused.

I raised an eyebrow, daring to meet his eyes. "You don't think I missed you?"

He frowned, probably realizing I was playing with his words. "Is…Is this about Jacob?" he asked slowly, his breath obscuring all thought possibility for a moment.

After it registered, my eyes widened. How had he guessed? A gentle smile bloomed on his face; I could see his teeth in the darkness.

"There's nothing you could try so hard to hide from me, love—except for something about the mutt," he finally explained.

Damn. He was right.

"So….?" He prompted.

"It's nothing, really." Part of me was tempted to tell him, but also terrified at the thought of hurting him again. "If it was really a big deal, I'd tell you Edward. Just…I wish I hadn't hurt so many people."

Edward's eyes met mine in the dark and mine began to water. I wouldn't put it past him to notice that so I fought against the stinging beyond my eyelids. I couldn't stop thinking about that letter. Would he be mad that I'd hidden it from him?

Suddenly I was facing the other way, my back tucked against his chest. One arm was wrapped around my waist, his free hand stroking my hair slowly.

"Shh…" he whispered in my ear, his voice gentle. "Go to sleep Bella. I'll be here in the morning."

His voice was so soft, along with the hypnotizing thud of rain on the roof and his cool breath. It made me so tired.

At least that's what I thought.

Just before I fell to sleep, I could've sworn I heard Edward murmur one last thing: "I promise."

_Just like a tattoo  
I'll always have you_

**Please review!! I don't know if they were too OOC, but I've been wanting to see how Bella's POV would turn out.**


End file.
